I Don’t Have a Problem with Love…

lvehand

2012 has been a very good year. I had amazing professional opportunities and I meet so many wonderful people that I couldn’t really ask for more. And I don’t. I don’t ask for more. What comes into your life comes into your life mostly when you are not planning it. Life often surprises you with its spontaneity and “hits” you – sometimes good, sometimes bad – when you less expect it.

Some people ask me. Do you still believe in love? … And why shouldn’t I?

Love is so many things. Love is here, and love is now. Love is yesterday and love is tomorrow. I have no issues with love nor do I have any impediments or psychological traumas regarding the subject. I am perfectly capable of loving. Now, neither is to say that I don’t take precautions in the love department. Why shouldn’t I take precautions? We learn from our mistakes, and I like to think that now with a “more mature” and wise heart I can make better decisions.

That is not to say that I don’t believe in Love. Yet perhaps my definition of love transcends the social parameters of what many think of this precious feeling. Love is eternal, and once you love someone a piece of you will always remain “loving” – rather than “in love”. I love my first boyfriend, my sweetheart from high school, I do. We both learnt the true meaning of love when we were just 16 years old, oh and how did we love each other!. A pure, emotion filled, innocent kind of love. I love him. Yet I am not IN LOVE with him. I love the father of my child regardless of the mistakes, regardless of the nasty words,  and even regardless of the hell-on-hearth that he made me live. I do. He is the father of my child, I love him. Yet I am not IN LOVE with him.

There is a difference…

My heart knows the differences now, and so do I. We communicate with each other rather than it making all the decisions (I am still referring to my heart, yes) we know what we want, and we fill ourselves with happiness and joy every day. I am happy and I am complete… because being on your own doesn’t mean you are lonely.

And being with someone doesn’t always make you whole.

Today we live in constant hurry; we live rushing things up as if the world will end before we can finish the day. We confuse ourselves with the chemical reactions that love and lust bring into our bodies – yet not our souls. We go from one relationship to another trying to fill the gaps, without realizing that the gaps must be filled from within. We rush from screen to screen, from call to call, from voice to voice and yet we never have it all. We aim for the chaos of despair, and we reach out for the cheesy drama of life. We look, we want, we search… we fail. And we start all over again.

So exhausting…. (And when I say “we”, I mean you… not me) I am in no hurry. There is no rush, no search, no cheesy lines, no storms; and that doesn’t mean I cannot love. It means I have grown… In the words of Stephen Chbosky, “we accept the love we think we deserve.” ― The Perks of Being a Wallflower

OnixJ.

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