On my Wedding Day: A Promise to my Sons

Anyone that knows me knows that my son is the center of my universe. My son and I are a solid team, a team built out of love and adversity. Back in 2008, at age 26 and with a 3-year-old son I was left in a situation that every woman fears. My (then) husband left me for someone else. I was left homeless, husbandless, scared, and with a toddler to look after. It was a hard period in my life, a period I wouldn’t have been able to get out with without the help of my son, family, and friends. On my darkest moments, my little boy not only gave me the drive and motivation I needed, but he also gave me hope as he wiped my tears away and showered me with hugs. It was then I knew I needed to be strong for both of us.

IMG_5752

Sean (my son) and I have been inseparable. We are, as he calls us “mom and Sean, teamwork” we fight, we argue, we love, we bake, we play, we fight again, we make up … because that is what families do. When in 2010 we moved from the UK to Texas to be closer to my parents my son’s dad had plans to remain – from afar – part of his life. Three months after we moved to the States, he decided he had other plans. He hasn’t been part of my son’s life ever since. My son was 5 years old then.

Since then, I have been my son’s mom and his dad. I have done my best to fill the gap his dad left. I played with legos and football (soccer) I painted cars and soldiers with ray guns, I created a world for both of us. It took me 4 years after moving over to the States to ever even consider dating. I was just not into it, my priorities were my son, my degree and my career. I had my kid, friends, my family and my studies to keep me going and the last thing in my mind was to date anyone. I needed the time to heal and to reconnect with myself. I needed time to know that I don’t need another half to complete me, I am complete, I am whole and I am the only one responsible  for my own happiness. And so I went on.

IMG_3635

Many people worried I would never fall in love again, and many pushed me into trying to meet someone out there. I took my time and I am glad I did. I read somewhere once that “you have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince charming” and now I strongly believe that is true. I kissed a few frogs, and as a more mature and centered woman, I knew what I wanted and what I deserved because after all they also say “we accept the love we think we deserve.”

So then, I meet him. I meet my prince charming in disguise. I meet someone with a pure heart, and with the patience of a saint. Someone who can put up with my stubbornness, someone who can soften the edges of my strong personality, someone who lets me be me. I found someone who understands who I am, and who makes me a better person. Someone like that you can’t find every day, someone like that some spend a lifetime look for. Someone like that I thought not possible for me. He is not perfect, I am not perfect but then again perfection is boring and utterly overrated. It is when we can see the flaws and love them anyway that we know we can be with someone.

Because of all that, is that I am (against many odds) marrying this person. This person who on our 3rd date (overly confident and cocky lol) had the courage to tell me, then and there, that he knew he would marry me someday.

IMG_6860

Perhaps is too soon, perhaps is too fast, but so is life. I am a firm believer that if we sit and wait until we think we are ready for something, then we sit and wait until its too late. That and I am also one of the most impatience person on earth. I have waited enough.

So to my son I say today as my wedding day approaches: Never give up on love. It is there, it is attainable and it is the force that moves us forward –  like you did. Today let it be known that you are and forever will be the force that drives me forward, you are and forever will be my number one, my biggest achievement, my rock, my sun… my sunny Sean. To you my son if there is anything I can pass on, let it be the tenacious search for knowledge and the unstoppable pursuit of happiness. Never give up, life will get hard, and I won’t always be able to protect you. Life will get cruel and some people will break you. But be strong in your softness and stand your ground. Know that forever and always I am here for you. Forever and always I will lift your spirit and do my best to bring you happiness.

That is my promise, from the day you were born to the day I die.

If there is anything you remember me by, let it be a happy childhood with nights under the covers, surrounded by teddies, hot chocolate, and Star Wars marathons. Be you, always be you. Be true, always be true. And remember being afraid is ok, letting fear stop you, isn’t.

To my stepson (the one I gain with this marriage) I promise always to try my best. I promise always to keep you in mind because you are too part of our family. I promise always to make you feel wanted, cared for, and loved. I promise Star War marathons and cups of hot chocolate under the stars.

If there is anything I want you to know is that “Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten”

IMG_7512

Xoxo

Jihane

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “On my Wedding Day: A Promise to my Sons

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s