The breeze is warm and salty. That kind of sticky summer breeze that smudges your make-up; the type of breeze that entangles your hair. Yet I enjoy it, as it comes slowly kissing my lips and caressing my thighs. I enjoy it; I enjoy it in the silence of the shore.
Yes, that summer breeze that reminds me of the summer afternoons we spent together at the seaside. Those afternoons, in which we would forget about the whole world and make it ours, walking alongside the boardwalk with sweet candy floss melting against the pallet of your mouth. Those hot and humid afternoons, which we spent dancing to the melody of the sea beneath us.
The seaside had sealed our destiny. We fell in love within the sunsets in the water, we fell in love within the gentle swing of the seagulls and the fishermen coming and going through the port. I fell in love with your smile and the deep blue ocean of your eyes, and you fell in love with my mousy brown locks brushing against your shoulder, my timid gaze, and my burgundy lips.
I can remember you as if I had only seen you minutes ago … that is mostly what I remember. I often find myself crying, sobbing from within and I don’t know why. I haven’t forgotten you yet there so much I cannot remember. I cannot remember where you are, where am I; and why above all, why… why aren’t we together? I can’t remember!
But I see. I see it every day, I see us as we walk under the soft yellowish light on that corner between Maggie’s sweet shop and the bakery with the peach melbas’ you loved so much. I can feel, and I can see; I can almost taste that acerbic night within the shadows of despair. The night in which I lost you and you lost me; the night we lost ourselves forever. I can remember the metallic aftertaste of blood and the aloof adrenaline. Can you hear me? Can you see me? In the darkness of the alley, the crimson liquid seems like a river of dirty water. Is it you? Is it me? I can’t hear you anymore among the sirens and the busy street.
Sam! – I call your name, but you can’t hear me.
Sam! – I am lost and you can’t reach me.
I see flashes of a bloody knife and a piercing pain. And as I look down my hands are covered in blood and tears. Is it your blood? Is it mine blood?
Sam! Sam! – I ache for your response but I can’t hear it.
Milford Haven, November 30th 1932.
Milford Mercury Newspaper – Young couple attacked on early hours of the evening. Samuel Baines, 25 and girlfriend Amanda Lloyd, 23, where walking home on Tuesday November 29th at around 7:30 p.m. when they were allegedly attacked by an unknown man. Amanda Lloyd received multiple stab injuries and died on the scene. An investigation will be conducted.
And then there was darkness; a black night without stars kind of darkness, an empty stomach feeling kind of darkness. I kept calling your name, but this time in silence. I kept looking for you but this time without hope. I was in the darkness for some time, it could have been years or it could have been minutes I really don’t know, time is different here and now.
Darkness became a gaze. Night became sunset, and I slowly started to see places again. I can see the seaside, the boardwalk, the candy floss, and the balloons floating above my head. But I can’t see you. I walked and I walked, I wondered every corner and every place but I couldn’t see you. I wrote your name in the sand and I hoped for you to read it; I wrote your name in the damp windows and I waited.
I waited through the autumn, and I waited through the winter. I waited patiently like a woman waiting for her sailor at the old port, aching yet not ageing.
Then during a cool summer afternoon when the sidewalks turn golden with the sun on the horizon I saw you.
Sam! Oh Sam, is it you? Is it really you? – I could not believe my eyes, I could see you seating in one of those wooden little park benches perched in front of the vast sea.
Sam? – I approached slowly
Sam? – Your eyes lost in the horizon; silent tears washing down your face.
In your hands you were holding a locket. A heart locket you had given me the day we promised eternal love. Your hands were holding it so tight; I could see little white speckles on the creases of your hand. I looked down at my chest as I was sure I had been wearing my beloved locket all this time, but it wasn’t there.
I miss you Mandy – you said without looking at me.
I can’t go on living without you – you said, this time, holding the locket next to your chest.
I can’t – you whispered.
Sam? I am right here, right here with you – I said aching, wanting you to hear me, to hold me, to kiss me. I touched your hand and you gasped, making me retrieve my hand in a hurry.
Sam? – I touched your warm salty lips with the tips of my fingers, and you closed your eyes.
I can’t do it – you said standing up with a determined look and a few more years on your soul.
You walked across the street with long fast steps. I followed you without knowing where we were going or why. You got to the corner of the bakery and the sweet shop and took a deep breath as you kneeled down to the floor and touched the wet cold floor with your hand.
I’m coming Mandy – you said as you pulled a gun from your brown jacket and without the speck of a doubt to pulled the trigger pointing straight into your mouth. You were lying on the floor before I could even blink or say a word; you were lying in a pool of warm crimson.
I lost you again.
Another autumn, another winter, another spring.
I sat at the same little wooden bench every day and every night. Every now and every then and I waited. I waited until you came. You arrived on another salty warm summer afternoon with your deep blue eyes and your cheeky smile.
You found me! – We ran to each other and without a word we embraced. And in the glory of the longest kiss, and with light in my soul and a smile on my face I finally felt complete.
Together we walked every summer through the streets of Milford Haven. Together we walked in our little world through the seaside and the boardwalk; together we walked eternally in love.