Love Language

I was reading Experience Life Magazine Dec2010 edition, and I came across an article about “Love Language” ( Life Magazine, Dec 2010, page 55) based on Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages” (Northfield, 2010).

It made me think and recapitulate. How many times have you argued either with yourself or your partner because of your or his/her lack of love and attention? how many times does the other person feel you are either over reacting or being needy? What happens when the other half gets lost in translation?

According to the article, “one person might experience physical affection as love, while her/his partner experiences help with the household chores as the ultimate token of affection.”  We learn how to behave, and express and ultimately we learn love language trough out parents during childhood.  Because of this its normal for partners to experience different kinds of love, different intensities and have different needs based on our love language and our previously learned love patterns. In some occasions these patterns become far too different and cracks appear in the relationships.

According to Chapman there are 5 different “Love Languages”

  • Words of Affirmation

    Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

  • Quality Time

    In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

  • Receiving Gifts

    Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

  • Acts of Service

    Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

  • Physical Touch

    This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

To get past the cracks and clashes different love languages might bring into a relationship, Chapman advices to learn which type represents you and to share it with your partner and vice versa, this way you can both understand the way in which the other experiences love and reciprocate, leading to a better relationship.

If you aren’t sure of which of the 5 love languages describes you,  you can take the quiz here:

http://www.beliefnet.com/Love-Family/Relationships/Quiz/The-5-Love-Languages-Quiz.aspx

It is certainly interesting to think that we do all indeed have different love expectations and sometimes is not all to do with the “other person” or partner’s personality but with the way in which we see and feel the world and our ability to match this expectations.

Research suggests that supportive comments help couples develop a sense of “we-ness” a feeling that enhances satisfaction with one’s partnership…

The book is on Sale on Amazon for $8.98 + shipping

Happy Loving!

xoxo

OnixJ

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